The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.