Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
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there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
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I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone