I heard we made out
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...