Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.

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(613): View more from Ontario

somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral

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(917): View more from New York City

we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(805): View more from California

Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"

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(816): View more from Missouri

I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are

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(438): View more from Quebec

My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.

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(212): View more from New York

VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY

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(425): View more from Washington

I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.

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