"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just had sex on a roof
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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