saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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