i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.