you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
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onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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