At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
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just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
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Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up