His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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