fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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