just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
