Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
