Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
