How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
