jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
