College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
