the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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