We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
