I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
