you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
