TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you would pick up someone in the library
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Who died my cat blue again?