The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.