wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
