you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
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So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
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I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.