I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates