Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.