then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.