ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
