How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
