I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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