she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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