herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
