Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
