I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
