You're earring is so big in my mouth
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
