you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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