that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
