If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
