I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
