how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
