Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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