he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
