yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
