Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
