I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
