I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
