It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
