actually, I'm a sock model
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
