So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
