Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
