shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
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I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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