what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
