I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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