so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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