if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
