I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
