You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
