dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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