We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
