UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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