I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
