I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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