I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
