it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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