he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
