Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
