did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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