I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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