Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
