Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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