Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
