Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
