Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
