she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
