I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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