I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
