the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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