Cold hands, warm shart.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
