that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
