"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
