i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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