sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Cover your peen. We're going out.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
