Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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