I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
