she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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