fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
