so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
