that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
