Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
