We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
