Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
