do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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