just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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