we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
