Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
