Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My brain says no but my pants say off.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
