I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
