Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
