i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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