My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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